One of Those Days

It's one of those days where Holly is constantly on my mind.  It's hard because I still don't know how to feel about it.  It has been about 10 months and it's not as fresh, but for some reason I have been thinking about her a lot.  She keeps popping up in my day, whether it makes me smile or want to cry, I'm glad to be reminded of her.  Since she has passed away it has been amazing to see how many lives she has changed, yet in a selfish way I wish she was still here.  Today has been a lot of wishing and wanting her to be back, but I know that she has brought so many love and happiness to people.  Her life is constantly celebrated.  

I try to love life everyday like she would have, but she made it look easy.  I miss her and just knowing she isn't around drags a little bit of happiness out of my day.  But I know deep down Holly would never waste her time being upset and that I shouldn't either.  I am so thankful for the time I had with her and the opportunity our friendship had to grow.  She was such a beautiful girl and still is.  Keep on loving life Hol, you have touched so many lives with your story... Everyone around the world is sporting pink now!

The beauty of life as it's meant to be

Tonight is one of those peaceful nights.  Apartment is clean, weekend is just starting and homework is finally far from mind.  As I'm relaxing on this beautiful night, I can't help but remember how I got here, to this very place.  This past year I have been completely blessed. I am at my dream school in my dream state.  I have been given so many amazing opportunities. And I finally know where I belong with the greatest friends a girl could ask for.  

Not that long ago I was a girl from Wisconsin, just wishing for a life like the one I have now.  I never got my hopes up because who knew what was really in store for me?  I never dreamed of getting on that plane and not coming back.  I stayed my first night across the country from everyone I've ever known not knowing what God had in store for me.  That night was one of the hardest nights of my life, but I cannot express how happy I am that God pushed me out of my comfort zone because it lead me to tonight.  I started making friendships that were so pure and real.  I began doing things that I never thought I would do.  I was surrounded by palm trees!  I was finding my place, a place that I used to think did not exist.  Freshman year was one of the best years of my life, and I know it can only get better.  

Listening to the small things have lead me to where I am right now.  Trusting in the Lord may be hard, but I've seen what He can do and I can't ignore that kind of love.  He steered me to this very apartment, surrounded by people who love me and experiences that continue to amaze me everyday.  

I can't know every rhyme or reason, but maybe I don't need to because I think it's going well so far.  I may fall sometimes, but all I need to remember is that there is always someone there to pick me up if I let them.

The Stress

It's one of those times where all the stress keeps piling up, and I can't seem to get away.  Everywhere I look there seems to be something that I need to worry about, whether it's money, homework, or family.  I hate when it feels like the bad outweighs the good.  I know that I can't just make it all disappear and I know I can't handle it all on my own, but I'm having a hard time letting go.  I want to give it all up to the Lord, but something is holding me back even if the stress worsens.  I need to get away or find something new, but right now I just feel so stuck.  

It's crazy how I can be in the place I love the most and have been so thankful for and still feel this way.  I feel guilty, but these problems seem to be overpowering.  I keep thinking to myself that I need to get myself out of this slump, but that's just the thing I can't.  I can't do it all and I can't do it alone, so why is it so hard to put my words to action?  

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

[When I Go Down -Reliant K]

The Beauty of Africa

The Lord continues to bless me day in and day out! I am so overwhelmed with joy that I can barely focus on daily tasks.  This all started as nothing.  Study abroad was not my thing and California was abroad enough for me.  One night, late last semester, I couldn't fall asleep.  It was one of those nights where your brain can't stop running.  I just kept thinking and thinking about one thing, Africa.  It was such an odd thing, how it popped up and I couldn't get it out of my head.  This led me to apply for a semester in South Africa, I didn't know if it was where I was supposed to be or if I even wanted to go.  But something inside of me knew I had to apply.  This August, while at the zoo, I opened up an email from the Study Abroad Office here at APU congratulating me. I had gotten in.  I was still unsure about it, but the fact that I opened up that email on my phone while standing next to the South African elephant exhibit said I had to think about it some more.  

Each day that goes by I become more and more confident in my decision to go to South Africa. It seems too good to be true and I can't explain how lucky I feel! Tonight we had our first meeting and it just got me so pumped that I doubt I will be able to sleep.  The things I know I will get to experience are going to be phenomenal and I know God is stirring up something big. This trip is four months of living in absolute beauty created by our Lord.  It's something I've never done before and I am more nervous than I have ever been.  But I have such faith that this is going to be a life changing experience.  I thank the Lord day after day for the things He has done in my life! I could not be more thankful for this opportunity to explore a new world, form life-long friendships and experience God in a whole new light!  I haven't been there yet, but I can see that the beauty of Africa is going to be hard to ignore.

Overjoyed with Joy

Today was a simple day.  A day off, relaxing, nothing special.  I went to check my email like I do every morning and then suddenly today was no normal day.  I received an email that to my surprise almost brought me to tears.  It was an email from the Dominican, from our dear friend Malou.  Little did she know that email made my day alone.

The email contained no words, just three attachments that I excitedly downloaded to my computer.  When I saw the pictures that were attached to the email my heart exploded!  

Here on my computer screen was the little boy, starring up at me, that I had fallen in love with while in the Dominican.  

I have been communicating with Malou, ever since I returned at the beginning of July, my desire to sponsor Jeudi.  So far the only information I had gotten was that they were trying to get my request to the proper channels.  So low and behold, I was so happy to see this picture come my way! Jeudi is almost two and had never been to the doctor, had no birth certificate and a serious respiratory problem.  Here he is, just yesterday, for the first time at the clinic in Barahona.  New clothes, a hair cut and a healthy boy!  

I could not believe that my interest in this little boy that one afternoon in Don Bosco had gotten him the care he needed.  Less than a month later he has had a life changing moment in that fact that he got to see a doctor.  I did nothing but continue to send emails asking to get him to the clinic and look where the Lord took him.  I am here to encourage everyone that just a little effort for a child in need can go SO far!!  If you put in the little love for a child like Jeudi across the world, you have no idea the impact you could have.  

I truly believe that I was called to the Dominican so that today I could receive this email.  Through all the beautiful things that happened on that trip, meeting Jeudi was the one thing I know that was supposed to happen.  He is the reason I continue to believe in miracles, and the fact that there is a much higher power doing this beautiful work.  Through God's will I was able to put that smile on Jeudi's face, and I urge everyone out there to seek out an opportunity like this.  Because you never know when one moment could give a child the gift of happiness.

Happy

Today as I was driving home, I realized how happy I am with where I am in life.  I mean sure I don't really want to go to work tomorrow, but in the end that doesn't matter.  I am content with everything around me, and am not afraid for time to continue on.  I'm usually in that place where I think "I never want this to end", but now I'm okay with things ending because I'm just so excited to see where the rest of my life leads me.  Right now I don't have a set plan or an idea of where this next year is going to take me.  Usually not knowing would drive me insane but I'm so trusting of my future.  This summer has been such a blessing and has really allowed my faith to expand to heights I never imagined.  It's freeing.  So as these days draw to an end, it will be sad to leave my home and my family, but that's the way it is.  I am going to go into this next year knowing everything I need will be provided.  I am going to enjoy each day, wherever I may be because it's just not worth it to question too much.  
Lovin' Life.

Where I last left my heart

I honestly don't know how to describe my trip well enough to express the way I felt while I was there and the way I still feel now.  I have been on so many trips previous to this one, but it was truly different.  This place has left a lasting impression on me, one that I hope is going to be hard to shake.  I wish I could relive my time there over and over again because it was full of so many small miracles that made such a huge difference in my life.  It is an experience that I will continue to remember and one that I will continue to talk about... because it was just that good!

Barahona is a city on the south side of the island of Republica Dominicana.  It is also only one hour away from the Haitian border.  It is such a beautiful place, the ocean water is clear blue and it is surrounded by a lush, green rainforest.  Beyond all of this scenery is a different story.  My first impression of the place was how could a place this beautiful be this broken.  Away from the beach are the small villages lined with trash, mud, and huts.  The children walk around with no shoes and ripped clothes.  It was such a devastating thing to see as we drove around the first day, to go from beauty to the ugliness of it all.  It shocked me and definitely made me question what I could possibly do to make anything better.  

The second day we were able to finally get down to work.  Children of the Nations has been working in Barahona since 1995 and we were able to see all of their effort.  We were able to tour the five villages that COTN has, two of them were Dominican while the other three were Haitian.  Every time we pulled into a village I was scared to see what was inside of them, but each time I stepped out of the van that fear disappeared.  It was the first day when I realized that things aren't always what they seem.  Just because the surroundings were unpleasant, I started to realize the beauty of the imperfectness that I was so used to in the U.S.  Each child that grabbed my hand had a huge smile across their face and that is when I figured out what I was doing there.

Barahona is a very simple place to us, but if you actually sit there and think about it, it's what our lives should look like.  The people are the friendliest people I have ever met.  There was not a time when I felt like I was unwelcome.  I don't remember walking into a place without receiving a smile, hug, or kiss.  The Dominicans are also not concerned with time by any means.  At the beginning of the trip it was frustrating that nothing ever happened when it was supposed to and none of the rooms had clocks!  Throughout the week my need for a clock diminished and I realized how obsessed our culture is with time.  The people there don't limit things with minutes. If they are having a good time talking with someone then they just keep talking, and if things don't get done today, there is always tomorrow.  There is no pressure to get things done, which makes doing things so much more enjoyable!  The thing that had the most impact on me was how little people had.  Take everything you own and make it disappear.  Then add in a small hut for a home with a dirt floor and no air.  Next take three of your shirts, two pairs of pants and one pair of shoes back.  Imagine no running water and little to cook with. A few pieces of rundown furniture and no car.  That is what they have, and you know what? They are the happiest people I have ever known!  Some of them are happier then I am and I considered myself a pretty humble person.  One of our translators, Daniela, said "As long as the children are feed and their family is healthy, they are all happy." And she is right.  What more do you really need?  I'm not saying that we should downgrade to just that, but think about the things we indulge ourselves in.  Those are the things we don't need!  I read that the United States is the top 15% of wealthy people, not just some of the U.s., all of it!  That means that 75% of the rest of the world lives in the way I just described.  We are such an exception to a comfortable life.  The people of Barahona, as well as the rest of the world, no nothing else than what they have. And what they have is enough.  I wish I could say that what I have is enough, but that's just not part of our culture, it's not part of the 15%. We always want more.  I'm not saying everyone should change their lifestyle, I know that would be impossible, but we just need to be aware.  We need to be mindful of this "simple" life.  

It was this culture that has raised the children I spent my week with.  And they are the reason I fell in love with this place.  These children had the biggest hearts, with the biggest smiles.  They didn't have toys or books, but as long as they had us they had fun.  They had so much love to give even though they don't receive it at home.  It was amazing the relationships that were formed in just five days and not being able to speak the same language.  All the love I saw in the culture piled up as the kids held onto me.  And their love for the Lord was even more heart warming to see.  They taught me so much more than I could have ever taught them about life and love.  It is those smiling faces that have encouraged me to come home and make a difference here by sharing their story.  BUt I can't stop there, I want to continue to go back and build on what I've already seen.  Even though I went to spread love and teach things, I feel like I was feed more than I could have ever given. 

Right now my heart is still in Barahona, with the not so nice homes, and the people who are never on time.  But that is what I love about it.  It opened my eyes to better things, that I would have never seen as good before.  My heart will stay there until I return, God willing.