March 31, 2011

The Old Days

Sometimes I wish I could just go back in time to when I was young.  Everything seemed so pleasant (even though that wasn't always the case) I had that child-like faith that no matter what happened, it was going to be okay.  I had rough days back then, but somehow I didn't question things as much as I do now.  EVerything happened because it did and God had a greater plan.  Whether it was the death of my grandma or the divorce of my parents, I always made it through.  Now even though I know that it is good to question, I'm realizing that as much as I want to ask why I am not going to find all of the answers.  In certain situations I need to rely my faith, because in the end it's the most important thing I have.  So when the struggles seem like too much I need to remember to hold onto my faith.  It is something that is all mine, child-like and reliable, just like the old days.

Everything happens for a reason, even if I don't know what reason that may be.

March 30, 2011

One of those weeks

This week is just one of those weeks where it's hard to forget.  I know my pain is nothing compared to her family's, but it keeps creeping back up on me.  As I am sitting here in beautiful weather and everything seems to be going right, I wonder why God took such a beautiful person from people who loved her so much.  I wonder why I'm here and she no longer is.  I wonder when the hurt will go away, if it ever does.  
I know the year is coming to an end and I thank God for everything He has done is my life during this first year of college.  But this only means I'm one month closer to going back home to that studio where we shared so much happiness.  I will be surrounded again by people who loved her as much as I did, and even more.  The pain of losing her is always so much more real when I go back home and I don't want to face all of that again.
Right now I just wish I could take away all the pain and tears that are still falling.  It never gets easier to think about and still brings me to tears every time.  I just need to continue to pray for this loss and know that she is up there watching over all of us with her pink studded wings.  Holly we miss you so much down here, but know that you are in the best of hands. Love you! Love life!

March 26, 2011

Nothing poetic or witty

I have had such a great past two days.  There's nothing significant about them, they were just so amazing.  Small things took place, but they really had a big effect on me.  I would just like to share these things.


Last night I had the privilege to see a life-changing documentary on the war in Africa.  I was somewhat involved in Invisible Children in high school, but the updates I saw on this tragedy were so much more real.  I also had the great opportunity to hear the story of a invisible child himself.  Geoffrey had grown up in Uganda and suffered things as a child that are heart retching.  It was great to see that the war in Uganda is over, but now Joseph Kony, the leader of these child soldiers, is taking over other villages in the Congo.  The war is not over and children are being taken.  This is an amazing organization that brings a voice to those children who are invisible to the world.  


Then my amazing dorm got together in our lobby and had a relaxing open mic night.  It was so great to see how over this past year, we have not only become close as a hall, but as an entire dorm.  I consider myself very lucky to have so many people that love and care about me.  From the girls upstairs, to the boys downstairs.  This will be something I cherish forever and will miss dearly next year.


This morning at chapel, we were given the unbelievable chance to hear Francis Chan speak.  Through his recent struggles, he was able to bring up many valid questions that I need to ask myself.  He recently was in Asia with his family and found that we are the odd ones out.  He pointed out that we do not live a normal Christian life.  To people all over the world, Christianity is a great risk to be a part of.  There are people that give up everything to be Christians and follow what they believe in, which is so unreal to us.  We take the fact that we have churches and Christian schools for granted.  We need to realize that our choice should be lived out as radically as those who do not have that choice.


After hearing this great speaker I was able to go change my major to something I am very excited about. Though it has taken a while for me to figure it out, and though it may not be for sure, I am a social work major.  I got to sit down with the head of the department and make my four year plan.  I never thought I would have chosen this major, but after today it all just makes sense.  Though I may not be making the big bucks, I know I will be making a difference.  I am hoping this program will find me on my way to get a master's and working in a Children's Hospital.


I ended my night with one of my all time favorite movies.  It was so nice to be able to lay around watching it with a close friend.  I sometimes forget why I love this movie so much, but every time I watch it again I remember.  It is perfectly imperfect in love, friendships, and family.  Which helps me remember that that is life.

My weekend is just starting and I have had so many fabulous things happen so far.  I cannot wait to see what these next few weeks will bring as my first year of college comes to a close.  But if anything, I hope it is blessed with friendship and love and more days like these.

March 25, 2011

Perfection

Perfection is something everyone strives for, but yet everyone also knows that there is no such thing.  So why do we constantly strive to be something we are not?  I've realized that there are many areas in my life in which I'm trying to be perfect.  The perfect student, the perfect friend, the perfect daughter, the perfect girl, the perfect dresser, the perfect speaker.  Anything that will bring glory for all the wrong reasons.  But as of lately I'm seeing that all of those standards are unreachable and silly.  The more I think about my obsession to be good at everything, the more I see that I am falling away from who I really am.  
I am a sinner, and I am broken.  Those are the facts and there is nothing that I can do to change that.  I need to remember to stay humble because in these perfections I am losing myself.  With perfection I am trapped, but I have an ability to be free.  I have a savior that loves me for all the imperfections I have.  Once I let go of the focus on myself, I will find so much more peace and happiness.  I will find more about who I really am, a follower of the Lord.  
So this is me giving up the perfection and moving into the realness of it all.  

March 23, 2011

It's just one of those days,

Where things just seem to be going my way.
Tests and papers are done.
Speech is over.
Major has been decided.
Four year planning scheduled.

And I am a happy girl!

March 16, 2011

A Prayer for Japan

Many people were tragically killed.
I may not be one of them, but Lord let me understand.
Families are are grieving and still searching for their loved ones.
I know my family is safe and sound, but Lord let me understand.
Homes were swept away and everything gone.
I still have my house, but Lord let me understand.
Lives were ruined and completely destroyed.
My life is safe, but Lord let me understand.
It will take years to recover from this disaster.
This relief may only last a month, but Lord let me understand.

Though I did not know anyone effected by this tragedy, that is no excuse not to care.  If I were in the shoes of someone who is suffering the story would be completely different.  We may be miles and miles away, but these strangers need our love and prayer.  It makes me thankful to be where I am still today and makes me wonder, what if it were me or my family?  We are blessed beyond belief and really the least we can do is show our support for these people, these families.  This event will hover over this country for a long time, so please keep Japan in your prayers and remember there is always a chance it could be you.

March 14, 2011

A dream come true...


I finally saw Shamu!
And I have to admit, I did cry.
Pathetic? No, I just really like him.

March 10, 2011

Ash Wednesday

I've never really been one to be big on ash Wednesday and Lent, but this year I realize I'm in a place where this is what I need.  I need to give some things up and take other things on.  I need to focus on giving things up in my life that do not help me grow in my relationship with the Lord, things that distract me.  I have decided to take on a much healthier lifestyle, one that includes set time with the Lord.  I know I go to a Christian school and attend chapel three times a week, but I feel like this is something I am being challenged to do more often.  I know spending these next 40 days strengthening my relationship with God will do wonders and cannot wait to see the outcome!
This is also a time where I realize that one day none of the things I worry about now will matter.  Tonight in chapel, the fact that we will not live forever came up.  This is something that struck me hard over Christmas break and continues to show up in my life.  I keep telling myself that I need to live everyday like a blessing, but I'm not.  I need to take on the heart of a joyful follower of Christ and appreciate each day I do have with my family and friends.  
So over these next two months or so, I pray that I will find a change of heart.  One that strives to know more and one that takes full advantage of what I have here and now.

Holly, you continue to show your love of life to me even though you are no longer here.  I am so blessed and I want to take full appreciation of each day I have that you didn't.  Your saying keeps coming up day to day and ringing in my ear.  Losing you was so difficult, but your appreciation for life will continue to grow through your friends who miss you so dearly.  
LOVE LIFE.

March 06, 2011

The cutest thing your eyes have ever seen


I am so incredibly blessed!

March 05, 2011

And what about now?

It happens to everyone. We find ourselves waiting for something, not anything in particular, just something.  I've realized that that is what I have been doing lately; I've been waiting for something unexpected to swipe me from behind, some wonderful surprise.  Sitting around waiting, looking forward, when today I realized what I have now. I have been so preoccupied with what I think is going to happen. I'm continually asking, "Okay God, how about now?", when I noticed today I shouldn't be expecting anything extravagant.  
Today was an amazing day of peace.  Today I figured out for myself that there is beauty in the uneventful.  I did nothing today but sit and talk.  It wasn't anything mind blowing, it was just what I needed.  I talked life with one of my amazing friends and we just spent time together quietly.  It was so rewarding to spend the day with her and I feel as if I was overlooking the simplicity in things before. I loved every minute of my day!
Through all my rambles, I'm just trying to say that living in the moment is so important.  I constantly have to remind myself to stop worrying so much about the future and to take hold of what and who I am with now.  This day reminded me about how rewarding it is to be in the moment, free of concerns and troubles.  I am blessed beyond belief to be where I am today and shouldn't be asking for more.  I truly believe I have it all right now.  God has put me where I need to be in this moment and I need to take advantage of it. This has been nothing but a beautiful day of God showing me His plan for me.  I may not know what tomorrow or the next day may hold, but all I need to know is that it is in God's hands.


Slow down and appreciate the good things.

March 04, 2011

Love at first sight...

Welcome to the world Emery Otis!
March 3, 2011
9:50 Eastern
8 pounds, 11 ounces


Brother's first meeting!


Emery

March 01, 2011

The Smell of Summer

Everyone knows it and everyone craves it.  Once you feel it coming, a sensation of relief takes over you... the summer days are coming near.

I cannot believe that here I am in March and I only have two months left of my first year of college.  Time has flown by, but I know a summer of endless memories is within my reach.  I cannot wait until those summer days come, it will feel just like things have never changed.  The days literally drag on pleasantly and I will be surrounded with loved and familiar faces.  Summer has a comforting sense in that it never changes, it's like a relaxing break from life as you've known it for the past 8 months.  I cannot wait to bask in the sun rays without a care in the world and for me this may come sooner than June!
Sun, warmth, water, laughter, tan lines, bare feet, and calmness...