October 07, 2011

The beauty of life as it's meant to be

Tonight is one of those peaceful nights.  Apartment is clean, weekend is just starting and homework is finally far from mind.  As I'm relaxing on this beautiful night, I can't help but remember how I got here, to this very place.  This past year I have been completely blessed. I am at my dream school in my dream state.  I have been given so many amazing opportunities. And I finally know where I belong with the greatest friends a girl could ask for.  
Not that long ago I was a girl from Wisconsin, just wishing for a life like the one I have now.  I never got my hopes up because who knew what was really in store for me?  I never dreamed of getting on that plane and not coming back.  I stayed my first night across the country from everyone I've ever known not knowing what God had in store for me.  That night was one of the hardest nights of my life, but I cannot express how happy I am that God pushed me out of my comfort zone because it lead me to tonight.  I started making friendships that were so pure and real.  I began doing things that I never thought I would do.  I was surrounded by palm trees!  I was finding my place, a place that I used to think did not exist.  Freshman year was one of the best years of my life, and I know it can only get better.  
Listening to the small things have lead me to where I am right now.  Trusting in the Lord may be hard, but I've seen what He can do and I can't ignore that kind of love.  He steered me to this very apartment, surrounded by people who love me and experiences that continue to amaze me everyday.  
I can't know every rhyme or reason, but maybe I don't need to because I think it's going well so far.  I may fall sometimes, but all I need to remember is that there is always someone there to pick me up if I let them.

October 03, 2011

The Stress

It's one of those times where all the stress keeps piling up, and I can't seem to get away.  Everywhere I look there seems to be something that I need to worry about, whether it's money, homework, or family.  I hate when it feels like the bad outweighs the good.  I know that I can't just make it all disappear and I know I can't handle it all on my own, but I'm having a hard time letting go.  I want to give it all up to the Lord, but something is holding me back even if the stress worsens.  I need to get away or find something new, but right now I just feel so stuck.  
It's crazy how I can be in the place I love the most and have been so thankful for and still feel this way.  I feel guilty, but these problems seem to be overpowering.  I keep thinking to myself that I need to get myself out of this slump, but that's just the thing I can't.  I can't do it all and I can't do it alone, so why is it so hard to put my words to action?  

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly
[When I Go Down -Reliant K]