Christmas Spirit

I used to be upset that Santa wasn't real, but now that I think about it, the holiday has become so much more... it has become Christmas.  It's hard to see the real meaning of Christmas through all of the festivities, but this year that is truly what I want to focus on.  There are too many times where I let these days become about the traditions and gifts, rather than focusing on what this day is for.  

December 24th is the day we were given the greatest gift ever, the gift of a Savior and the gift of eternal life.  It is a day in which we can reflect on how our lives were completely changed.  We were hopeless sinners trapped in the cycle of sacrifices we could not measure up to.  Our Lord sent to us someone who would not only live among us, but ultimately die for us.  

Far too often we read these words and remember what the Bible tells us, yet we don't allow them to set in.  We don't take the time to realize how amazing our God is and how undying His love is for us.  We don't reflect on the fact that so many years ago a child was born to save us, it's not just a story but an actual fact.  

When I sit down and realize the blessing I have been given in my life, on top of the fact that I have a God who would do anything for me, I am overwhelmed.  I am so unbelievably blessed with an amazing family and friends, the school I have always dreamed of and opportunities of a lifetime!  Yet none of this would be possible without my God. I can give all the thanks I want, but it means nothing unless it goes back to the right person.  I need to remember that He has given all this to me and more.  I would also like to praise Him for the miracles I see Him do in my life everyday.  I praise Him for healing my brother and bringing him here for Christmas. It is so amazing to see my prayers answered and my worries blown away.  My God is a God who continues to work miracles of healing, not only physically but mentally as well.  I have seen Him move in someone exactly the way I prayed for.  

Thank you God for this wonderful holiday to reflect on all that you have given us.  To make us realize what a powerful and loving God you were and still are today!  Everything I learn only draws me closer to you, and everything I do I want it to reflect your light in me.  All I ask for this Christmas is to continue to grow in my life and the lives of the ones I love.  I ask you to continue to lead me with a strong heart, no matter where life takes me.  I thank you for being by my sides always, and for loving me through it all.

The Highs and the... no just Highs

Today we remember a beautiful girl who we lost exactly a year ago.  Today is a day we smile because we knew her and can live in those memories forever.  Today we laugh at the times we shared and remember that she would want nothing more than for everyone to love the time we had with her.  Today is not a day where I am sad, but a day where I celebrate her life and the glow she had living it.  Within a year her story of high spirits has spread across the country.  She reminds us to live for the day and appreciate what we have.  I want to thank you Holly for being part of my life and teaching me a lesson I learn from everyday.  In that I don't think of this as the day she left us, but the day where we commit to living a different way in her honor.  Her story is so powerful and I'm glad I can spread it.  

We miss you out on that dance floor Hol, especially last night.  We danced for fun just like we always did. Each step out of love for what we were doing, and in honor of you!  You will forever be part of me when I step out onto the hardwood and I wouldn't have it any other way.  I dance for myself and now, for you.  That we will always share.  

We will keep on lovin' life in remembrance of you Hol. In all the sparkle and fabulousness! Miss you and want you to know how truly blessed I feel to have known such an amazing girl!

One of Those Days

It's one of those days where Holly is constantly on my mind.  It's hard because I still don't know how to feel about it.  It has been about 10 months and it's not as fresh, but for some reason I have been thinking about her a lot.  She keeps popping up in my day, whether it makes me smile or want to cry, I'm glad to be reminded of her.  Since she has passed away it has been amazing to see how many lives she has changed, yet in a selfish way I wish she was still here.  Today has been a lot of wishing and wanting her to be back, but I know that she has brought so many love and happiness to people.  Her life is constantly celebrated.  

I try to love life everyday like she would have, but she made it look easy.  I miss her and just knowing she isn't around drags a little bit of happiness out of my day.  But I know deep down Holly would never waste her time being upset and that I shouldn't either.  I am so thankful for the time I had with her and the opportunity our friendship had to grow.  She was such a beautiful girl and still is.  Keep on loving life Hol, you have touched so many lives with your story... Everyone around the world is sporting pink now!

The beauty of life as it's meant to be

Tonight is one of those peaceful nights.  Apartment is clean, weekend is just starting and homework is finally far from mind.  As I'm relaxing on this beautiful night, I can't help but remember how I got here, to this very place.  This past year I have been completely blessed. I am at my dream school in my dream state.  I have been given so many amazing opportunities. And I finally know where I belong with the greatest friends a girl could ask for.  

Not that long ago I was a girl from Wisconsin, just wishing for a life like the one I have now.  I never got my hopes up because who knew what was really in store for me?  I never dreamed of getting on that plane and not coming back.  I stayed my first night across the country from everyone I've ever known not knowing what God had in store for me.  That night was one of the hardest nights of my life, but I cannot express how happy I am that God pushed me out of my comfort zone because it lead me to tonight.  I started making friendships that were so pure and real.  I began doing things that I never thought I would do.  I was surrounded by palm trees!  I was finding my place, a place that I used to think did not exist.  Freshman year was one of the best years of my life, and I know it can only get better.  

Listening to the small things have lead me to where I am right now.  Trusting in the Lord may be hard, but I've seen what He can do and I can't ignore that kind of love.  He steered me to this very apartment, surrounded by people who love me and experiences that continue to amaze me everyday.  

I can't know every rhyme or reason, but maybe I don't need to because I think it's going well so far.  I may fall sometimes, but all I need to remember is that there is always someone there to pick me up if I let them.

The Stress

It's one of those times where all the stress keeps piling up, and I can't seem to get away.  Everywhere I look there seems to be something that I need to worry about, whether it's money, homework, or family.  I hate when it feels like the bad outweighs the good.  I know that I can't just make it all disappear and I know I can't handle it all on my own, but I'm having a hard time letting go.  I want to give it all up to the Lord, but something is holding me back even if the stress worsens.  I need to get away or find something new, but right now I just feel so stuck.  

It's crazy how I can be in the place I love the most and have been so thankful for and still feel this way.  I feel guilty, but these problems seem to be overpowering.  I keep thinking to myself that I need to get myself out of this slump, but that's just the thing I can't.  I can't do it all and I can't do it alone, so why is it so hard to put my words to action?  

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

[When I Go Down -Reliant K]

The Beauty of Africa

The Lord continues to bless me day in and day out! I am so overwhelmed with joy that I can barely focus on daily tasks.  This all started as nothing.  Study abroad was not my thing and California was abroad enough for me.  One night, late last semester, I couldn't fall asleep.  It was one of those nights where your brain can't stop running.  I just kept thinking and thinking about one thing, Africa.  It was such an odd thing, how it popped up and I couldn't get it out of my head.  This led me to apply for a semester in South Africa, I didn't know if it was where I was supposed to be or if I even wanted to go.  But something inside of me knew I had to apply.  This August, while at the zoo, I opened up an email from the Study Abroad Office here at APU congratulating me. I had gotten in.  I was still unsure about it, but the fact that I opened up that email on my phone while standing next to the South African elephant exhibit said I had to think about it some more.  

Each day that goes by I become more and more confident in my decision to go to South Africa. It seems too good to be true and I can't explain how lucky I feel! Tonight we had our first meeting and it just got me so pumped that I doubt I will be able to sleep.  The things I know I will get to experience are going to be phenomenal and I know God is stirring up something big. This trip is four months of living in absolute beauty created by our Lord.  It's something I've never done before and I am more nervous than I have ever been.  But I have such faith that this is going to be a life changing experience.  I thank the Lord day after day for the things He has done in my life! I could not be more thankful for this opportunity to explore a new world, form life-long friendships and experience God in a whole new light!  I haven't been there yet, but I can see that the beauty of Africa is going to be hard to ignore.

Overjoyed with Joy

Today was a simple day.  A day off, relaxing, nothing special.  I went to check my email like I do every morning and then suddenly today was no normal day.  I received an email that to my surprise almost brought me to tears.  It was an email from the Dominican, from our dear friend Malou.  Little did she know that email made my day alone.

The email contained no words, just three attachments that I excitedly downloaded to my computer.  When I saw the pictures that were attached to the email my heart exploded!  

Here on my computer screen was the little boy, starring up at me, that I had fallen in love with while in the Dominican.  

I have been communicating with Malou, ever since I returned at the beginning of July, my desire to sponsor Jeudi.  So far the only information I had gotten was that they were trying to get my request to the proper channels.  So low and behold, I was so happy to see this picture come my way! Jeudi is almost two and had never been to the doctor, had no birth certificate and a serious respiratory problem.  Here he is, just yesterday, for the first time at the clinic in Barahona.  New clothes, a hair cut and a healthy boy!  

I could not believe that my interest in this little boy that one afternoon in Don Bosco had gotten him the care he needed.  Less than a month later he has had a life changing moment in that fact that he got to see a doctor.  I did nothing but continue to send emails asking to get him to the clinic and look where the Lord took him.  I am here to encourage everyone that just a little effort for a child in need can go SO far!!  If you put in the little love for a child like Jeudi across the world, you have no idea the impact you could have.  

I truly believe that I was called to the Dominican so that today I could receive this email.  Through all the beautiful things that happened on that trip, meeting Jeudi was the one thing I know that was supposed to happen.  He is the reason I continue to believe in miracles, and the fact that there is a much higher power doing this beautiful work.  Through God's will I was able to put that smile on Jeudi's face, and I urge everyone out there to seek out an opportunity like this.  Because you never know when one moment could give a child the gift of happiness.